Sunday, February 6, 2011

a LETTER found someplace else

Naiinis ako kasi ang lakas lakas ng loob mong mag-emo dahil sa nararanasan mo ngayon. Naisip mo kaya na yun din ang pinaparanas mo sakin? Alam kong masakit. Pero kasi,

Nang-iwan ka rin.

Nag paasa ka rin.

Nakasakit ka rin.

Nakalimot ka rin.

Tingin mo ako hindi imbisibol sa'yo ngayon? Dinadaan-daanan mo nga lang ako e! Parang hindi mo ko nakikita. Parang hindi mo nararamdamang kailangan kita.

TORTURE? You tortured me as well!

may totoo ba sa mga pinakita mo?

O pambobola lang lahat ng yun? Shet. Napaniwala mo ko!

KISAPMATA. Ewan ko kung mabilis talagang makalimutan ang isang linggo pero yung isang buwan.. Isang buwan, nakalimutan na? Halos isang buwan mo akong sinanay ng ganito tapos mawawala ng ganun-ganun lang?

Para bang walang nangyari

Di mo man lang sinabi

Babalik pa kaya? May mangyayari pa kaya kahit masagot ko na yung tanong mo?

"mahal mo ba ako?"

Sabihin mo lang kung may mapapala pa ba ako.

Nakakainis talaga

Nagmuka tuloy akong tanga

Pinaasa mo kasi

Ewan ko lang ah, pero tingin ko naman may karapatan akong "umasa" dahil sa mga ipinakita mo sakin. Kaya lang, baka masyado akong umasa sa

"I want to fall in love with you"

Hindi ko naisip na posibleng hindi yun mangyari. Na hindi ka mag-fall. Na maging masaya ka lang kapag kasama mo ako pero hindi mo ako mahalin. So ano ako?

Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo

Hanggang dito na lang ako, nangagarap na mapa-sa'yo

Hindi sinasadya na hanapin pa ang lugar ko

Asan nga ba ako? Andiyan pa ba sa iyo?

Nahihilo, Nalilito

Asan ba ko sa'yo? Aasa ba ko sa'yo?

Ang galing. Nung tinugtog yung kanta para sa'yo, napaiyak ako sa likod. Mag-isa lang ako nun. Ramdam na ramdam ko na talaga yung feeling ng iniiwan. Sabi ko sa sarili ko

"Ganito pala yung domino effect. Makikita mo yung taong gusto mahal mo na nasasaktan dahil sa ibang taong mahal niya tapos yun na yun din yung mararamdaman mo. Doble pasakit pa nga yata eh. Bakit hindi nila naisip na i-dedicate yung kanta sakin? Invisible ba talaga ako??"

dapat ikaw ang kinakausap ko tungkol dito..

Pero hindi ko yun magawa. Dahil baka ako naman pala yung mali. Baka naman hindi ko alam na bago pa magsimula yung linggong sumira ng lahat ay binitawan mo na ako.

di ako sa'yo, hindi ka sa'kin

sakaling gustuhin ko,

bibitawan kita.

Natatakot akong malaman na ginusto mo akong bitawan. Na baka binitawan mo na nga ako. Kung yun nga ang nangyari, hindi ito ang unang beses na binitawan ako ng isang tao. Pero ito ang unang beses na binitawan ako ng walang pasabi. Mas okay pa yung dati e, sinabihan ako ng

"I'm letting you go"

Sobrang sakit. Pero at least malinaw.

Actions speak louder than words but words are always clearer.

Aaminin ko, ayokong matapos yung "tayo". Gustung-gusto kong bumalik sa dati. Ang tanong, GUSTO MO BA? Ayoko nang umiyak. Ayoko nang magpakalugmok. Napaka-nonsense na ng mga pinaggagagawa ko dahil hindi mo naman napapansin. You're so busy thinking about yourself. Kung sa bagay, ikaw na rin ang nagsabi, lahat ng tao selfish. Sana matutunan kong maging selfish pagdating sa'yo. Sana kahit minsan, isipin ko naman yung sarili ko (although kung titingnan mo, sarili ko rin naman ang iniisip ko dahil ayokong masaktan).

Nagbago ba ako? Hindi ko alam. Baka nga nagbago ako dahil sa'yo. Pero

sana alam mo yun..

na ikaw yung nagbago..

na ikaw yung naging dahilan kung bakit umasa ako..

Sa kabilang banda, hindi rin talaga kita masisisi. Naisip ko kasi, halos ganito rin naman yung ginawa ko dati. Nung binitawan ko siya para sa'yo. Siguro ganito rin yung naramdaman niya. Yung pakiramdam ng iniwan sa ere. Ang gulo ng mundo. Bakit 'to nangyayari sa'tin?

something popped out at 1:48 AM
would you care to stand by me? --> 2 people stood by me.

Friday, November 12, 2010

if i were a BOY.

Sana naging lalaki na lang ako, para hindi nasasayang yung pagmamahal na kaya kong ibigay. Sana may napapasaya akong babae o di kaya, sana nagagawa ko sa'yo yung mga bagay na gusto kong gawin mo sakin.

Sana lagi kitang napupuntahan sa school. Sana naihahatid kita pauwi. Sana nasasamahan kita sa lahat ng lakad mo. Sana napadadalhan kita ng sulat buwan-buwan. Sana naipapakita ko sa'yo kung gaano kita kamahal at sana maramdaman mo yun.

Sana nabibilhan kita ng pagkain. Sana nakakasabay kitang maglakad. Sana lagi akong nandiyan para iyakan mo kapag malungkot ka. Sana lagi kitang kasama kapag masaya ako. Sana naipapakilala kita sa mga kaibigan ko. Sana rin nakikilala ko mga kaibigan mo.

Sana napagbubuksan kita ng pintuan. Sana napapauna kitang sumakay sa jeep. Sana naaalalayan kita kapag bumababa ng bus. Sana natutulungan kita sa pagdala ng gamit mo. Sana nalilibre kita ng ice cream.

Sana natetext kita araw-araw. Sana natatawagan kita gabi-gabi para lang kamustahin ka. Sana nadadalaw kita sa bahay niyo. Sana nakakapaglaro tayo ng mga sports na hilig mo. Sana nakakapanood tayo ng movies na paborito mo.

Sana hindi na tayo magkahiwalay.

Sana naging lalaki na lang ako..

Sana.

something popped out at 10:33 PM
would you care to stand by me? --> 12 people stood by me.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

still, I'm UNSURE..

After everything that happened in the past 2 years, I wasn't sure about you anymore. I'm trying my best to believe in you, because above all people, I should be the one who understands you more. I don't know why, but I'm still in doubt. Maybe because of all those things that you've done, even if I'm your best friend, I still find it hard to put all my trust in you. I'm afraid of getting hurt again.

But then again, I want to give it a try. I want to believe in you. I want to believe that what you feel is real. Who knows? Maybe this time you'd really change, for me.

something popped out at 8:49 AM
would you care to stand by me? --> 0 people stood by me.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

i'm SICK of it.

Hindi pa ba kayo nagsasawa? Kasi ako, sawang sawa na.

Ever since high school, things were like this. I'm tired of it! When I went to college, I was hoping things would change. But no, they didn't. It's like you guys are ghosts from the past that I would like to run away from. But you just keep on hunting me! You may be wondering why I'm like this - why I rarely hang out with you guys. Well, it's because I want a change to happen. I can't stand being treated like this anymore, really. Why am I not telling you this? Because you wouldn't take me seriously. It's as simple as that.

Before anyone else gets the wrong idea, I would like to say this.. Yes, I still want to be friends. Yes, I still love you guys the same as before. And no, I don't want this to go on forever. Please, just stop. I could still bear it back then. Of course, I'm not the kind of person who gets mad at small things. But I guess I've had enough. I get hurt most of the time already. I just don't want to tell you. I think you guys know that I'm more of the keep-it-to-myself type of person.

That's why I'd rather hang out with new friends at times. It's because I want to forget. I want to forget the pains that high school life has brought to me. All those years of hardships. For all you know, I barely survived high school. But hey, that doesn't mean I'd forget about all those happy moments that I've had with you all. Although at times, I don't remember most of it. Maybe it's just because of my eagerness to forget. Anyway, I'm know it's still here in my heart - someplace hidden deep inside it maybe. I would surely treasure those special events of my high school life.

I'm sorry for this sudden outburst of emotions. I just don't wanna be treated this way anymore.

something popped out at 9:41 PM
would you care to stand by me? --> 0 people stood by me.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

what does happy crush mean?

Happy crush = wala lang, natutuwa ka lang sa kanya. He makes you happy, ganun. Pero never in your mind na naisip mo or naimagine mo na magiging kayo. Hindi naman siya joke joke lang. Pero alam mo yung nakakatuwa lang talaga yung tao kasi you like his attitude, the way he treats you and stuff. But a happy crush is just a happy crush. Period. Hahaha! It's not even close to the crush = like thing. Kunwari friend mo, pwede mo maging happy crush. Haha. Haaaay. Hirap i-explain. Basta ganun :)) Masaya ka lang. Kaya nga "happy crush" e =)) LOL

Please, be straight to the point.

something popped out at 11:28 PM
would you care to stand by me? --> 0 people stood by me.


18 years old.
CSA Biñan alumna.
UP Diliman iskolar
I looovee Dino Imperial,
Jun Matsumoto and
Jerry Yan.
that's cause...
I'm a girl.
And a pretty one too. XD

OPTIMISTIC.CRAZY.LOUD.MEAN.

The EMPRESS ♥



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